Best Facebook status update of the day:Just found out that the local kids who've been opted out of seeing Obama will have their own room where they will color pictures of Jesus riding a dinosaur. Everything's going to be fine.

One of my Facebook friends solicited recommendations for non-partisan news sources. A responder actually suggested... (wait for it) GLENN BECK.

I think the Next Big Thing from Apple needs to be a device that allows me to reach into the internets to remotely punch someone right in the cunt.

In Texas, you can shoot a criminal in the back, even if you're not the victim of the crime, and your life isn't in danger.

But in San Francisco, Honduran crack dealers are housed and shipped back to their countries of origin at taxpayer expense in a half-assed, probably illegal scheme to flout immigration policy and prevent them from being ( Read more... )

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(1) I hereby declare that anyone who deliberately wears flip-flops into busy, crowded areas forfeits any right to bitch at, glare at, or otherwise castigate anyone who happens to accidentally step on their exposed toes.  I also reserve my own right to laugh at those same people when they plummet face forward to the ground after someone accidentally ( Read more... )

Ridiculously self-sacrificing man killed by train while saving dogStories like this never fail to piss me off.  Even if all dogs had built-in masturbation sleeves and hot chocolate dispensers, THEY'D STILL BE DOGS, their lives automatically less valuable than those of their owners.  (Exception: Hitler's dog ( Read more... )

I kind of hate the universe right now because I have a canker sore on the side of my tongue.  So, it hurts every time I have a tongue, which is alwaysI understand the canker sores that appear as part of the healing process after I bite my own lip or something, but I don't get the ones that appear in the least likely places for no apparent reason.  ( Read more... )